3 Things from the Internet

The Box

– thoughts, rants, and other uselessness  – 

23 March 2019 – Chattanooga, TN

Want to feel like an idiot?  Try ordering stuff off the internet.  

I am not talking about your run-of-the-mill Amazon order of order of paper towels and cat litter.  No, if you want to feel immensely stupid, you’ve got to swing for the fences.  It’s got to be something you have no business ordering without actually consulting with a real life sales associate in person.  It has to be something like drift boat oars…

I did my research.  I consulted with a friend who has far more knowledge of the subject than I do.  Well that friend must have expensive taste, because he said the only way to go was the Sawyer Square Top.  So I went online and checked them out.  

They are pretty slick looking and the reviews I found said things like “So light, I am never going back,” and “I have enjoyed every stroke!”  I was sold.  I found them on a reputable “discount” website (the one with the Ibex), and what do you know? They had a pair with some gnarly brown trout art worked onto the oar.  I was double sold!  (I shamefully admit it… I can’t resist stupid fishy flash like that.)  But that price-tag…Maybe not as sold as I thought.

I drank a couple of beers and my monetary inhibitions magically disappeared.  I broke out the credit card and ordered them.  

About 12 hours later I got the notification that my order had shipped.  My package would arrive the following Monday!   I then proceeded to click the “Track Shipment” button once a day to check the progress.  With anticipation building I couldn’t help but think about how cool I (idiot) was going to look rowing down the river with my “artisan” brown trout flank emblazoned oars.  

A blizzard in Wyoming delayed my order by two days.  Wednesday finally rolled around and so did the beautiful brown UPS truck.  I watched out the window as that gloriously brown-shorted man in black combat boots pulled an extra-long box out of the back of his UPS truck and leaned the box against my garage.  

With anticipation I (still an idiot) ran outside and grabbed the box.  “Man these are light, just like the review said,” I thought as I carried the box through the front door.  

I ripped the box open to reveal…ONE oar.  

Who buys one oar?



Hey there!  I’m Clark. I am an avid outdoorsman currently living in Chattanooga, Tennessee.  I am passionate about fly fishing, bow hunting, wing shooting,  conservation, writing, photography, and art.  This site is a place to share information and art that speaks to me, as well as a place to share some of my own photos and stories. 

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